WORK OR WELFARE...

Everybody's Uncle:

I don't know what to do. For the last 3 years I have been struggling financially. Let me just start by saying that I have 4 children. Two of which are currently living with me and two which are living with their father (not by choice).

I made a big mistake in my life by getting involved with a guy and because of his past history and because I continued to stay involved with him my children were taken from my home. Thus two of my children went to go live with my dad and my stepmother and my other two went to go live with their dad. I no longer bother with this guy what-so-ever.

My children that were living with my dad and stepmother are now back home with me. I am working on getting my other children back, but of course their dad is fighting me all the way. And not because he doesn't want them with me, but because he enjoys the child support that I pay him.

I have a really good job, but of course I don't bring home much because I pay so much child support. I lost my apartment and my car because I can't afford them anymore. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't make it on my own.

I am currently with someone, but I am not happy. But I have no where else to go, and I can't make it on my own. I do not qualify for assistance with housing or anything because I make too much. But in reality it is all going toward child support.

Is there any help for me out there, or should I just quit my job and go on assistance? By the way, I have been at my job for about 5 years and I really love it. And it is a really good job, with good benefits. A job that I am really lucky to have.

Sometimes I just want to give up and go on aid and be at home all the time so I can fight to get my children that are not with me back. Right now I can not financially afford to go to court, but if I didn't have a job then I would get assistance with the court fees. I also would get assistance with housing instead of having to be with my current boyfriend that I am not happy with. We are constantly fighting, but he helps me out and gives me and my kids a place to stay. So I stay with him out of convenience, but I don't want to do that anymore.

What do I do?


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Dear "What do I do,"

Your situation is a result of a long series of bad choices. Bad choices are made by those who fly by the seat of their pants instead of the brain in their head. Your "pants" delivered four kids into unstable circumstances. Two with a man of "past history" to whom the court awarded custody and two that went to your dad and stepmother.

You lost your apartment and car. You are living with your "current boyfriend" out of convenience and subjecting your children to an environment where you are "constantly fighting," but they have a "place to stay." Now you want your other kids back and are considering quitting a job you "love" to go on public assistance.

What to do!

First, recognize your history of bad choices and start making good ones. Begin by eliminating a life on public assistance as a "choice." Welfare is a dead-end for you and your kids-period.

There are some positives in your life and some positions that can be strengthened and employed to improve life for your kids and you.

You have a good job and some academic skills that can be developed. Your dad and stepmother have helped in the past.

Beg them to take the kids. Get the most modest apartment you can find for yourself or a cot in dad's basement, garage or under the sink if he will allow it. For a period of at least one year, no social life; no bars, no drugs, no cigarettes, no boy friends, just a full commitment to your children. Get a part-time job to increase income. Stability is the key to getting your kids back.

Trust me, the world will notice the change from irresponsible to devoted parent. You may get an assist from those who notice the difference. A judge may be impressed enough to grant you the kids and support from their fathers.

Difficult - yes.
Possible - make it happen.

Keep in touch,
Everybody's Uncle