WILL PARENTS LET ME LIVE WITH MY BOYFRIEND

Everybody’s Uncle

I have been dating my boyfriend close to nine months. I knew him before we dated because we worked next door to each other. Over the past few months we have grown very close. He is the only guy I have dated that I felt this in love with. This coming summer we would like to live together at his apartment. The only problem is trying to ask my parents if they would allow me to do so. I will be 20 years old this summer and I don't know if my parents will think I’m too young or if they think I’m responsible enough to handle it. So far my parents seem to like him. I haven't heard any complaints about him yet. Please help!!!!
 
~ dazed ~
 

Dear Dazed,

Let me give you things to think about before you make any decision.

You are legally old enough to do as you wish.

If you are prepared to declare independence from your parents, be sure to consider the possibility that it might not be a reversible decision. It is often said that you don’t know what you have until you lose it. A comfortable home and supportive parents should not be taken for granted. Uncle Jim’s guideline for “independence” is simple. You must be able to fully support yourself, not get by with a boyfriend or girlfriend or anyone else.

Let’s assume for a moment that your parents are old fashioned and believe their daughter should be married not “moving in.” Do you really think they care if you are any more or less in love with this boyfriend than any other? Or if you have been dating for 9 months or 9 years? Unless you are living in dreamland you already know how your parents think about cohabitation. So the real question is do you want to upset the applecart (not advised).

You should assess the impact of a major collision. You could lose funding for a wedding, an inheritance, and all things not legally yours. They could be offended by your break with their traditions and values; you will pay a price. Grandparents are first class potential babysitters - even better than day care. You want to put all of this at risk?

>From Uncle Jim’s perspective, if you have a working relationship with your parents, stay at home and enjoy some of the best years of your life. Save your money and think long term. What’s better, short term hormonal freedom that slaps your parents in the face, or comprehensive planning that respects parental priorities and maintains a solid road for any children you might have in the future?

On the other hand, if you have very modern parents that have no problem with you moving in with a boyfriend – have fun. You live with them; you know them; you call it.

Everybody’s Uncle