WIFE AWAY FROM HOME
My question is:
My wife has a good friend who lives in a town 70 miles away, she is going to visit in a couple of weeks on a Saturday and will be spending the night there because of the drive home at night. I understand her wanting to spend the day with her friend, they then come home and her husband cooks dinner for the three of them, to me, once they get home from shopping and the movies, her visit with her friend ends and she is now visiting with the couple. I do not understand why she needs to spend the night, is it ok, or is it strange to spend the night. I work all week and get home after 7:00 at night, therefore our family time together is week-ends.
Sir:
Marriages are based on arrangements and agreements between spouses that evolve over years, decades or a lifetime. Neither I nor anyone else can state conclusively what is right or wrong for any given couple in any given situation, but I can give you something to think about.
Our culture sets standards for conduct. Within our culture there is nothing inherently wrong with your wife staying over night at her friend’s house.
Spouses often object to their partners staying away from home overnight. The question is motive. Jealousy, insecurity, selfishness, tradition, and legitimate concern enter the equation.
No matter how much love and devotion we have for our spouse, kids, or family – a little private time can be a very positive thing. Workers need vacations from work – makes them better workers. There is a reasonable parallel that suggests spouses need a break from their family routine – makes them better moms, dads, and spouses.
Why then would it be “strange” for your wife to be away for a day or two in a secure home? Why after a 70 mile drive, a day of shopping and a relaxing dinner would you want her to drive another 70 miles after dark? Isn’t she safer driving in the morning after a night’s sleep? Wives are not dogs on a leash. That is how she might feel, and that is how her friends might perceive her. What does that do for her self-esteem? What does it do for, or to, your marriage?
Lucky kids, like yours, have two parents keeping them in check at all times. While mom is away why not do something special with the kids. A house party with friends, a movie, dinner out – throw in a new T-shirt or whatever your budget will allow. Your wife will love it; your kids will love it; you’ll love it too.
Bless you for working all those hours to give your family a better life, but every week with the family starts to look like imprisonment to the kids and your wife too.
Tell your wife to have a great time.
(You just might want to go with the boys one overnight.)
Everybody’s Uncle
