VIEW FROM THE BRIDE
Hi there,
I recently got married to a wonderful man. The problem is his family. They have undermined both me and my family in particular close to the wedding day.
Some of the snide little comments made in my direction I have found quite hurtful and they have got worse as the wedding has got closer. Implications have been made that my side of the family has been tried to hoard numbers, that I myself chose my husband a rented suited for the day( they would look down on that) , although it was his choice and in fact 90 % of people are wearing rented suits because they are full length , the Mother in front of about ten people at a lunch said for me to look at her 60 year olds sisters clothes(who is a large lady-whereas I am not) and said don’t go short!!(I can afford my own clothes!) Although we had already chose the speakers for the wedding day , his sister and brother both tried to push their way into speaking on the day(it would have unbalanced everything-at the very least my brothers would have felt left out and anyway surely that was our choice)
And the sister got quite drunk on the day and started on to my Mother about how blood is thicker and how I better look after him or Ill have her to answer to. My Mother mentioned that I was a beautiful girl in every way and that he was a lucky man.
These folks since I have met them have been showy about their possessions and what they own since I have met them. They actually don’t have that much and certainly wouldn’t have achieved as much as my folks. The problem is that I feel as I am the scapegoat in this scenario. I don’t know how to behave? I do feel a little intimidated by them now (also sometimes I feel hurt- I have been so nice). My Husband finds it hard to stand up to them (they are) but I feel at my deepest level that if he doesn’t protect us they will bully us.
Should my Husband confront the sister, the way she spoke to my Mother about me was appalling.
Please keep this anonymous
Neice,
[Don’t fight every battle; win the war]
I wish I could find something unusual about your inquiry to distinguish it from almost every other wedding I have been party too. Brides seem to think that the entire world should be holding it’s breath over her every step and detail. Families simply don’t know when to keep their mouths shut. Males (to their credit) have learned to “get through” the day of female hyper-hysteria. Please note that almost all of your complaints are about females.
Weddings are the classic clash of perspectives. The bridezilla thinks the world should stop spinning and forgets that for the caterers, photographers, limo drivers, and others, it’s just another day of putting up with a power crazed princess. Families square off behind the, “I pay - I pick” bunker and the he/she is not good enough for my son/daughter mind set. Attendants really have all the answers. Guests include the ultra-bored, ultra-drunk and ultra-stupid. Somehow this tragi-comic mix will erupt into blissful jubilation.
Here are some of your words:
“undermined” “snide little comments” “hurtful” “implications” “look down” “don’t go short” “push their way” “it would have unbalanced everything” “showy about their possessions” “I do feel a little intimidated”
They are more your perceptions than specific chargeable offenses. It is a fair bet that the other side has a different perception.
Here are some revealing statements:
“My Mother mentioned that I was a beautiful girl in every way and that he was a lucky man.”
I am sure she did, you are, and he is, but this sounds like wedding hysteria bride side.
“My Husband finds it hard to stand up to them (they are) but I feel at my deepest level that if he doesn’t protect us they will bully us.”
You have married a man with the good sense not to fight every petty battle. I hope he teaches you what he knows and you learn to put things in proportion. Your deepest level should be one that can handle life’s real problems like miscarriages, child illness, cancer, Alzheimer’s and death.
I am sure your gown was lovely and that your husband will protect you from any real bully. However, this is the 21st Century women often speak for themselves in minor female clashes. You have my permission; ask him for his.
Everybody’s Uncle
