Everybody's uncle,

My problem is about my family life. I need more
privacy. I'm 16 and my mom doesn't give me any
privacy. If I'm in the shower, she'll just walk in
and do whatever she needs to. I feel awkward for her to see me like that. She's seen me erect and I try to get her to leave. I've asked her to stop barging in, and she says since she gave birth to me she's not embarrassed and it's a mother thing. It's embarrassing for me. She'll walk in on me when I'm in my room and she just keeps disrupting my privacy. What should I do? Could you write back to my email.

Thanks
(Unsigned)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Embarrassed,

Body privacy is cultural. Some cultures are naked, some bathe as families, some swim topless, some have very strict guidelines for male doctors tending to female patients, but our culture respects body privacy.

Your mother's lack of respect for your privacy in the shower challenges our cultural parameters and could be considered abusive. Imagine a dad who walks in on his 16 year-old-daughter in the shower. There is no question in my mind that such conduct would be considered improper. What fate would befall a sixteen-year-old boy who walked in on his mother in the shower?

There are no precise guidelines for conduct relating to body privacy and functions. There was a case of a mother breast-feeding her 5 year-old-son. She was sent for counseling. There are families that are nudists. These are extremes in our society. Procreative activities and bodily elimination are private activities in our society but some argue that these are natural functions and wholesome for all to view.

Your question has to balance three elements: cultural standards, family standards, and personal discomfort.

Your mother's conduct exceeds cultural norms and your comfort level. In my judgment she should not barge in on you in the shower.

Here are steps you can take to make your point.
Show your mother this response.
Attempt to negotiate respect for your privacy in the shower.
Lock the bathroom door but be sure a key is available in case of an emergency.
Challenge her "mother thing" defense. Ask her to provide a list of parents that walk in on their teenagers in the shower. I know of none!
You could speak to a clergyman, a counselor at school, or child protective services to get some opinions.

My best judgment:
Mom's shower intrusions are entirely inappropriate and should change immediately. If you press your case, she will experience public embarrassment if not legal consequences.

As for bedroom privacy: The norm is to knock before entering. However parents have the right and obligation to oversee the contents and conduct in the room. Drugs, contraband, videos, magazines, forbidden activities and evidence thereof are fair targets for parental overview.

Please show this response to your mom. I would like to hear her side of the story.

Let me know how you make out,

Everybody's Uncle