TATTOOED AND SORRY

Hi,
I have a dilemma, and would like some advice. I am a 20 year old girl, living out of state at college. My mom has always expressed her distaste for tattooing, but 3 years ago I got a large piece tattooed on the bottom of my leg and ankle. I have hidden this from my family for 3 years (not easily, but with much determination). We are taking a family vacation to the tropics this winter, and I am not about to wear pants and socks everyday! I need to tell my family, but would like some advice on the best way to do this. I know this will disappoint my mom so much, so I don't think I can tell her over the phone, and I don't want to wait until just before our vacation, to tell her in person. My thought was to write a letter. Is this reasonable? Any help on how to present this would be much appreciated. Thank you,

Inked and indecisive

--------------------------------------------------- -------------------

Dear Inked and indecisive,

Uncle Jim, like your mom, hates tattoos. The more visible - the more I hate them. Why, you ask?

They are permanent. [Jimism: Flavor choices that are reversible.]

Now, you have no choice but to disappoint those that have invested a lifetime of love and a lifeboat of money in your best interest. Parents tend to reward wise choices but withdraw from the counterproductive. Handouts, like college tuition and tropical vacations, are not birthrights. Young people often fail to see the bigger picture.

Soon, a potential employer with a visceral hate of tattoos, might pass over an applicant that mentions or shows a tattoo. Many people get them when drunk.

Twenty years from now, you will have a tough time convincing your children not to get tattooed.

Fifty years from now, you will have a huge faded blotch as testimony to your teenage "wisdumb."

I end my radio show with my signature sign-off, "Think and be formidable."

Tactics are factors in formidable presentations.

(Assuming this will not cause a heart attack.) Open, on the phone, with, "I have to tell you something you are not going to like. I know you are going to be disappointed in me. But I have to tell you in person."

This usually sends parental minds to concern about drugs, pregnancy, expulsion, illness, and other nightmares. By the time you get home and they have stewed in dire possibilities, a tattoo is almost a blessing.

Stress the fact that you are sorry for having gotten caught up in a bad moment. Promise you will never get another tattoo as long as you live. Do not use phrases like, "Everybody has a tattoo." "Don't you think it's cute." Do not attempt to rationalize your tattoo. The parental mindset is, "Only morons get tattoos." Don't fight it.

Stress your strong points. You are just as loving, healthy, devoted, appreciative, studious, whatever, and after the tattoo you had an awakening to parental generosity, wisdom - lay it on thick and throw in a few tears. Parents fall for this con once in a while.

Warning, Uncle Jim types see through callow ploys in a heartbeat. You would be met with a touch of no tuition, no wedding, no inheritance - "What family vacation?" - and a refocus on the concept of carrot and stick.

[Default Jimism: When all else fails, tell the truth.]

Parents usually don't stay mad. Take your punishment, if any, with apology, contrition and poise. Uncle Jim types notice this too.

Let me know how it turns out,

Everybody's Uncle