SISTER 15 WITH EVIL STEPMOM
Everybody’s Uncle,
My sister is 15 and she lives with my dad and our very evil stepmother. My mother passed away when she was 7 years old, so this is the only mother that she knows. She has never been physically abused, but she is constantly being verbally abused. My father will not stick up for her when the step-mom butts in. My father actually just moved out with my sister into my home and was in the process of a divorce, but after over 6 months he decided to go back. My sister did not want to leave but he made her go back. He will not back my sister with anything when it comes to confrontation with the step-mom. He says "I don't want to rock the boat." He is selfish when it comes to my sister. He says he would allow her to do a lot of things but he doesn't want to argue with the step-mom all the time because she allows my sister to do nothing. The question is, I myself am 25 and I moved out at 17, and my other sister is 22 and she also moved out at 17. Can my 15 year old sister move in with my sister without any legal problems?? Please help us, my sister is mentally being torn and she is going to have a nervous breakdown.
(Unsigned)
Big sister,
It is most unfortunate (but common) that parents will not “rock the marital boat” in the best interest of the child. Dad seems to have all the power. (Legal age in Michigan is 18 according to my research.) While he does not see fit to allow your sister to leave, there could be more logic than meets the eye. Perhaps there is something he does not like about the other household. I don’t know; maybe you don’t know either.
You write, “Please help us, my sister is mentally being torn and she is going to have a nervous breakdown.”
If this is true you have an obligation to intercede on her behalf. Contact Child Services for an evaluation and possible solutions. But the fact that you and your other sister survived until you moved out at 17 could be a factor in their determinations.
You would be up against arguments like these:
Two sisters got through why not three?
Is dad an unfit parent for forcing her to live with an “abusive” step-mom?
Is step-mom abusive according to a legal definition?
Is the 15 year old in serious trouble or just another teenager that feels confined?
Do the older sisters have a grudge again the step-mom.
These positions, even if supportive of emancipation, might not be easy to prove.
Is it wise to get the 15 year old all worked up when in fact there are considerable obstacles blocking emancipation?
Perhaps your sister could spend weekends with her older siblings?
In any situation where you hold the weaker hand, it is essential to win the “style” points. Don’t attack dad for his decision; point out the advantages of having a controversial 15 year old out of the house while he rebuilds his relationship with his wife. Maybe dad sees the house rules of the older sisters as too liberal for a 15 year old. Maybe weekends and an acceptable set of rules can serve as a starting point.
Try to bring all items of conflict to the discussion table. Remember that emotions play a big part in family relationships. Bring logic to the solutions, but be aware and sensitive the emotions of all parties.
[Don’t fight every battle; win the war.]
Everybody’s uncle
