SENSITIVE COWORKER

Hello Uncle,

I am having a serious problem with an over-sensitive coworker. She has recently called my Supervisor AND Director letting them know that she is upset that our "relationship" has changed. I really don't know what she is talking about as we didn't have a relationship outside of work. I think she perceived a friendship that wasn't there.

She told my supervisor that her "heart is broken" because we don't talk like we used to. I am a female and recently married. I did invite her to the wedding, but that was before I realized how incredibly immature and over sensitive she is. And she has absolutely no self-confidence. I'm not the only one in the office that feels this way about her.

My supervisor suggested that she ask me to dinner or a drink after work to discuss and I know she will do that. I REALLY don't want to go, but I know I need to. Any suggestions on how I should let her know that we have a professional relationship but that is it without hurting her feelings?
(Unsigned)
________________________________________

Dear niece,

[Jimism: Never take business personally.]

Friendships can develop in any environment but take care when bonding with coworkers. Teamwork and company spirit are proper business attitudes that increase productivity and maintain pleasant work environments. Romances and personal relationships often bring expectations that interfere with the normal business routine.

Many companies have policies regarding romances and sibling employment to avoid the clash of business and social demands. Your coworker is a perfect example of the downside of bringing a personal element into the workplace. Day to day employee interplay is difficult enough without broken hearts.

"Friendships" should not be concerns of management unless they become distractions. Your coworker has already brought her concerns to management and your supervisor has addressed you.


Your coworker should not have gone to "the company" on a personal matter. Your supervisor might have been politely suggesting that both of you resolve social problems after hours.

Time to take charge.

Have that sit down with your coworker. Open the conversation with a compliment. (You invited her to your wedding, she must have something you like.} DO NOT demean, chastise or criticize her. Do you want to make her more insecure? Change the focus of the office from agreeing on her weaknesses to building her confidence.

Politely, assume the "Uncle" role. You are newly married to man with whom you invest almost all your non-working hours improving your home, bonding with family and can't fill the existing demands of friends, hobbies, you name it. In short, you are too busy to develop new ties but you look forward to a great working relationship.

Management loves problem solvers.

Tell your supervisor that you will deal with it - period. People skills are important in any business and show well on your review. This personal miscue is an opportunity for you to show leadership.

Spend time considering what is in the mind and emotion of your coworker. Focus on peaceful resolution not winning a point. Pick your words carefully. End the encounter with a big hug.

You can look good to your coworker, great to the company, and enjoy the feeling of formidability, which lasts far longer than winning a point at the expense of another. Win-win-win!

Go niece go,

Everybody's Uncle