POOR JENNY

Uncle Jim,
 
I love your site and am in need of some advice.  About 2 months ago, I met a guy at a party like no other, who basically stole my heart away.

A week later we started spending nights together.  About a week after dating him my credit card company called to say my card had some suspicious activity.  I didn't think much of it at the time, so I just canceled the card and got a new one.  About a week later that one also had suspicious activity. So I canceled it again and got a new one. However this one didn't get used suspiciously so I thought I had just been unlucky.

Recently after spending the night at my boyfriend's, I woke up to find him going through my purse. I thought it was a bit odd, he said he left his wallet in his car and was just looking to borrow some money to get us breakfast. While I believed him at the time, I've had some time recently to think about it, and I've come to the conclusion he could be stealing from me. 

Certain things just do not add up about him. He has a BMW, but only makes $30,000 / year. While he says he has a trust fund, he always seems strapped for cash. I want to confront him about my suspicions but I fear if I am wrong he will leave me. I think I might be pregnant with his child, so I'm not sure if I should leave this matter alone or not and pray that I can change him.  I'm too ashamed to tell my family about this because they are strict Mormons, and would disown me especially if I am really pregnant.  What should I do? 
 
Jenny

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Jenny,

The first thing you should do is learn this simple Uncleism:
[Emotions will lead you in the wrong direction 90% of the time.]

If your suspicions are correct, to date, you have been socially and financially raped. If so, you might have a rape baby on the way that will cost you your family and immeasurably impair your future.

He has a car he can't afford, an undocumented trust fund, is always cash short, has a timely coincidence with your suspicious credit card usage, and got caught going through your purse. Uncle Jim advises you to put aside your "heart" and take action that will get you out of harm's way. Let's think predator.
 Quote: "I want to confront him about my suspicions but I fear if I am wrong he will leave me. I think I might be pregnant with his child, so I'm not sure if I should leave this matter alone or not and pray that I can change him."

What? You "FEAR" being dumped by a predator? The chance of you changing him is about the same as sending a one-oar rowboat to save the Titanic. No, you don't leave a predator and a pregnancy "alone." You extricate yourself and seek remedy! Check the success list of women that change predators.

If you are seeing all these negatives through your 90% emotional misdirection, I assume you missed many clues along the way. Uncle Jim finds him guilty until proven innocent. Uncle's job is to protect you from him and your own 90% emotional blindness.

Uncle Jim thinks he is a predator at one con level or another. You can nail it down with this retrospective. Was he always busy? Did he seem to have a very rigid, tight schedule for a guy that makes $30,000? If so, RUN, he might be worst than you imagine. He could have three more women, just as blind, just as fearful, just as sexually available, just as financially vulnerable, just as pregnant - as you.

I hope I have raised enough doubt to "take you from emotional fog to crystal sanity."
[Uncleism: He who loves you wants the best for you, not him - you.]
Where was his concern for you? Where was his concern for pregnancy? Where was his concern for your losses? Keep asking and keep score.

Get yourself to safety. Get a pregnancy test. Do not confront him in person. Tell him from a safe haven that you have to do some thinking. If he gets angry - think control freak. If he "understands" - good. If he begs to see you - refuse. If he threatens to visit you or shows up - call the police.

If Uncle Jim is totally wrong, he will admire you for protecting yourself as you would the family of your dreams. If I am totally right, you will save yourself from a full range of horrors.

Get to safety. Gather friends and family around you as a support group. Get away from him and get back to me.

Don't send a rowboat to save the Titanic,
Everybody's Uncle 
Call Saturday 10:30 - noon 973-267-WMTR (9687)