OCD – NOT EASY
Hiya there,
I am 21 years old, and suffer from a mild form of OCD. It manifests itself in my treatment of my brother.
It is really becoming a bane on my life, affecting things that I really cannot control, and I would just love to find a way around it, so any suggestions would be appreciated.
Basically, I do not get on very well with my brother, who is 18 years old. We are very different people, but its got to the stage where I am obsessing about little things that are the same between us. For example, us watching the same programmes really upsets me.
I have lived away at university for three years, and since September, we have been back living under the same roof. He will go to university next year to study English. This also winds me up as well, as this is the exact same degree I took. I am breathing a sigh of relief that he is going to study in London, as opposed to Sunderland where I went to!
I am worried as to how I might cope in later life, if we are living in the same city, for example. Will my peace of mind be affected?
But why should it matter? We are different people, we have very few genetic looks. But my mind seems to highlight the similarities, and make me feel bad. He has picked up on my non-ease, and is actively taking the mickey, whilst I try to make myself a completely different person when I am around him, often, I will admit to myself, acting like an idiot really - taking on a persona that can be totally alien to me.
I dont know what to do, I dont know how to get out of this way of thinking. But I want to.
Sorry to go on a bit there
NICK
Nick,
I make no claim to any knowledge of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder beyond the personal contact I have with individuals so afflicted and a magazine article every once in a while.
Uncle Jim does have some general rules that apply over a broad spectrum.
There are always two elements in play, logic and emotion. For our purposes, let’s consider your compulsive behavior, “emotion.” We fight to maintain composure when emotions surface. We survive lost lovers, lost family members, lost jobs and life’s challenges. We adjust to our culture with acceptable table manners, appropriate dress, respect for authority, and all the cultural parameters that shape our lives. If you accept your compulsive behavior as an anomaly, and that self-control maintains stability, you have to make a choice - give in to your compulsion or maintain your personal discipline.
Each of us experiences developed sensitivity. The closer we get to other humans the more we tend to clash with each others peccadilloes. OCD brings heightened sensitivities in the abstract and extreme. We could fight to the death over how we squeeze a tube of toothpaste – but is it worth it? Why commonalties with your brother upset you is between you and your OCD (at least you are not twins). Even if you move to Australia you will still both have phones.
You have to make decisions about where you will fit in and now much self-control you want to invest in any situation. There are professionals and support groups available but the bottom line is you have to control your behavior.
Adjusting to life’s demands is difficult for everyone, more so for compulsives; but the rules don’t change for anyone. It is okay to ask your brother to understand your mindset and make some concessions. It is not okay to ask the world to adjust to your condition. Life is a battle to survive our environment, our culture, and our personal demons. Some rise to conquer extraordinary challenges; some cry if they lose at checkers.
Fighters win; folders lose.
Keep fighting,
Everybody’s Uncle
