NOT READY TO COMMIT

Everybody's Uncle,

I have been hung up on the same guy for over 4 years. We have dated on and off. He always wants me in his life but in the end he won't give me what I want right now. He is not ready to commit and he is 28 years old. He always wants to spend time with me but then he takes my presence for granted and puts me behind everyone else around because he knows I will always be there. Do you think I should walk away?

Unsigned
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Unsigned,

Don't walk---RUN! My advice to all my nieces is to start with the assumption that men are based on hormones and egos. If you are satisfying either one or both of his "needs" while he has danced around your needs for four years - what are you doing in this relationship? Hung up, or hung out - to dry? Please know the difference.

It is not unusual for men to duck marriage for whatever reason, but with today's relaxed social and sexual standards men can drag the anchor almost indefinitely. Your biggest mistake is your "always be there" mindset. Even if you get nothing, will you "always be there" waiting for the next crumb? Can "always" endure neglect, indifference, disrespect, and perhaps abuse? What's in it for you? Emotions are wonderful but at some point logic should prevail.

The general outline for happiness is:
Define your ideal self
Work toward becoming that ideal self
Be your own person - self-defined and totally self-supporting.

Then seek a mate!

When the right person comes along, you he will be exactly what he is looking for.

Wishing for your self-respect to prevail,
Everybody's Uncle