MOVING OUT IN SOUTH CAROLINA [Unedited]
Dear Everybodysuncle,
I am sixteen and my parents and i have been fighting over meaningless thins for years now. Since my grandfather moved in with us, my mother has been very stressed and has been venting by yelling at me. She lays in bed all day and fusses over my school work when she has had me working around the house all day and I havent goten my homework done or i have a poor grade on a paper. i cant stand to live hereanymore. i could live with my brother if he'd
let me, or with my fionce's father. I just need to know the legal age in south carolina to move out of your home and under what conditions. I cant find it on the web. thanx for your help.
*Time to leave home*
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Dear "Time to leave home,"
My job as Everybody's Uncle is to provide reality and tools of formidability for my nieces and nephews of ALL ages.
Please read the other "Moving Out" columns.
Sixteen-year-olds should move out when there is physical, sexual, or emotional abuse that satisfies a legal definition. You indicate none of those.
Generally speaking, emancipation is possible at 16 but has legal requirements that may vary from state to state.
To be fair handed, I have to consider both sides of the argument.
To the parents of this generation, I suggest connecting with the perceptions of their kids and establishing clear, reasonable, and consistent guidelines for all members of the household - including the parents. Grandparents moving in should not seriously disrupt the guidelines of the kids. Lying in bed and forcing kids to take on parental responsibilities is unreasonable; asking for small considerations is not.
If kids have more than an hour per day to watch TV or play computer games, have time to maintain friendships on weekends, have an opportunity to earn money either outside the home or as compensation for extra chores, they will be hard pressed to make a case for emotional abuse.
Kids with delinquent parents have a very difficult challenge. They have few legal rights and no realistic way of supporting themselves. They do have school counselors, religious leaders and in extreme cases child welfare laws and agencies. Delinquent parents breed delinquent children. When parents have no self-discipline, the child is cheated of a wholesome role model essential to proper development.
The gray area is perception. People tend to think they are right without the simplest test of logic (such as presented above) to support their position. Clueless parents provide disorganized lives for their kids. Loved but improperly guided kids think the world owes them a living. Kids from the best of homes are confused by the input of society. Is it any wonder that kids think they can leave home because it is legal?
Dear niece or nephew, since you have contacted me by E-mail I conclude you own or have access to a computer. Based upon your poorly written E, I have to conclude that you are not exactly a devoted student. Most word programs have a "spell check." There are a dozen errors in your E. It is a fair bet that you have been taught to capitalize "I" and "S"outh "C"arolina. If you lack the self-discipline to write a proper note, how could you have the self-discipline to support yourself?
By the way, what is a "fionce?" If this is to imply that you are engaged, then you have entirely too much time on your hands. Uncle Jim has never once encountered a 16-year-old of either gender that had the maturity to commit to marriage.
The Uncleism for all my nieces and nephews is a simple one. "First become your own person."
You must be able to support yourself completely - rent, food, and all of life's necessities.
Moving in with your brother would quickly become a battle probably worse than what you have at home. If your "fionce's father" invites you to live in his house, he needs counseling.
Here is a little maturity check for you. Print and share this response with all parties. Write back with their opinions in a word-checked E.
Not time to leave home,
Everybody's Uncle
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[Everybody's Uncle received this comment]
Do you know "time to leave home"
Well I do and to tell you somethin this is how we talk in Andrews. We might not have the best typing skills or whatever but I know that she is very mature and loves her "fiance", if you want correct grammar, very much and he loves her to. But the disrespect you showed her was very uncalled for and to tell you the truth that was nuthin but a sorry a** peace of craap that only a jerk like you would type. All she wanted was some advise and you fu**ed up. Big time and I recken that if you were as adviseful as she thought you were instead of puttin her down you might have helped her. Now here's whats going to happen, she will type another message to you, you will help[ and give her advise if not then I and a few other people will sue your company or whatever the h*** you got running. Got that? Well nice talkin to ya Uncle Fuc*.
[Unsigned]
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Dear Unsigned,
Thank you for responding to my post. Most people do not respond at all whether they agree or disagree. In spite of the fact that you are critical of my commentary, I consider any exchange of ideas an opportunity for each side to teach the other side something. The challenge is for each side to keep an open mind. To minimize confusion I will address your E [line by line].
Do you know "time to leave home"
Well I do and to tell you somethin this is how we talk in Andrews.
[You are free to express yourself in any manner you wish. BUT, in a competitive market place one's ability to communicate improves chances for success. A sports figure must rise above "hometown" skills to make it in the majors. The most naturally talented singers must learn how to "move" an audience. We use the language every day; why not learn to use it well. If both parents and kids spoke clearly many misunderstandings would be avoided.]
We might not have the best typing skills or whatever but I know that she is very mature and loves her "fiance", if you want correct grammar, very much and he loves her to.
[You display poor "writing skills" and did not employ a spell check that would have picked up several errors. I assume and hope that you are a teenager. Teenagers, on a regular basis, mistake every degree of mutual attraction for "love." Teenagers certifying other teenager's maturity is cute but laughable to those slightly older.]
But the disrespect you showed her was very uncalled for and to tell you the truth that was nothing but a sorry a** peace of craap that only a jerk like you would type.
[I don't see anything more than a little chiding about her use of the language in my response. I don't think that rises to "disrespect." I take no offence at your calling me a "jerk." Name-calling is often employed when no substantive argument exists.]
All she wanted was some advise and you fu**ed up.
[Vulgarity, like name calling, is a poor substitute for a point of logic. Some would call it disrespectful; some would call it immature; I still want the best for you.]
Big time and I recken that if you were as adviseful as she thought you were instead of puttin her down you might have helped her.
[I did not call her a name nor employ any vulgarity. I had a different opinion about teen love and spell check. Differences of opinion are the core of the learning process. If we listen, analyze, debate and learn, both sides can walk away enriched by the exchange. Name-calling and vulgarity don't have much of an upside.]
Now here's whats going to happen, she will type another message to you, you will help[ and give her advise if not then I and a few other people will sue your company or whatever the h*** you got running. Got that? Well nice talkin to ya Uncle Fuc*.
[As I said before, I am pleased that you responded and look forward to her E. However, the fact that I offer advise does not mean anyone has the right to demand it. Along with name-calling and vulgarity, threats of lawsuits do not promote positive exchanges. I am curious as to how a party that is vulgar, disrespectful, and anonymous, makes a claim against someone that respectfully and non-vulgarly expresses a different opinion.
Uncle Jim's name does not begin with an "F," not even in Andrews, South Carolina.
Save this post and have a mature laugh 30 years from today,]
Uncle Jim
