SHOULD I MOVE IN WITH PARANOID BOYFRIEND?

Everybody's Uncle:

   I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years. I'm 20 and he is 24 going on 25. He is ready to buy a house and wanted to know if I want to move in with him. Right now I live in an apartment with my best friend who is a girl. I have never lived with a guy before. I'm really comfortable with the guy I'm with now, and I love him very much. I just don't know when the right time is to move in with him. Part of me thinks that it might be going a little fast, but part of me is really excited and is ready to take that next step with him. I just am a little worried if anything will happen, like we get in a fight and one of us leaves the other. I know it probably happens to everyone sometimes. But part of me thinks that I'm only 20, and there is a lot more out there - not necessarily meaning guys, but things to do. He is just really paranoid and insecure when I go out on a "girl's" night out. He always thinks that guys are going to hit on me, or he might lose me to another guy. I just don't want to have to deal with that when and if we move in together. I just always see myself re-assuring him that nothing like that will happen. But, he keeps saying that over and over. I don't know what to do? Please let me know what you think. Thanks!

-Confused and stressed

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Dear Confused and Stressed,

Sit back, take a deep breath and read slowly - about 10 times.

[Uncleism: consider the worse trait of your partner and magnify it by ten.]

DO NOT! Do you hear me? Do not move in with Mr. Paranoia. DO NOT!

There is a world of difference between going together and living together. If you think he is nuts now, magnify it by 10. Trust me on this one.
In that time of blissful courtship we live in fantasyland. Take a poll of people around you. How many jealous lunatics ever recovered; how many became control freaks or abusers? I don't want my niece to play those odds.

Not only should you not move in, you should move on.

At the age of 20 you have been dating Mr. Paranoia for 2 years. In other words since you were a kid in school. Time for some fresh air. The part of you that thinks it is going a little fast is correct.

You have achieved level one in the game of life. You are your own person. Let's keep it that way until somebody with some self-confidence comes along - and he will.

The part of you that is really excited is just that - excited - not thinking.
You want excitement, take a week's pay and go to Las Vegas. Bet over your head a little bit. That is exciting and stupid, but not nearly as dumb as moving in with Mr. Paranoia. The right time to move in involves a ring, a date, and co-ownership of all property. Less than that is a shack-up. Let's call things by their proper names - SHACK-UP.

If you take the next step with him it will be like a mouse taking a step toward the cheese in a trap. If the mouse had any brains he would realize he was headed for trouble. You have more brains than a mouse. I know that because you doubted your self, realized there are things to do, and had the good sense to talk to your Uncle Jim.
You considered the complications of cohabitation in HIS house. That gives away too much of level one - my niece will always be her own person. Mr. Paranoia does not get power over her. When I play my nieces' cards I play to gather power, not give it away.

I have watched so many of my nieces self-destruct because they mistake infatuation, lust, money, escape, security, motherhood, home ownership and assorted trips into fantasy land for "LOVE." Scroll down to "I SHOULD HAVE LISTENED."

She didn't; I hope you do.

Run niece run,
Everybody's Uncle

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