MOM TURNED LESBIAN - I WANT OUT
Ok, I read an email that a girl sent to you about moving in with her boyfriend. Well my situation is similar but not exactly like that. I just want to know at what age can I move out legally?
Here's my story. Me and my boyfriend Mitchell have been together for 2 years now and we love each other. Well my mom lost her job last summer so we haven't had any money for along time and then things got really bad. I love my mother to death but she met this girl named Julie and now she is a lesbian. I have nothing against it my mom is my mom no matter what. It just feels like since she has been with Julie, financially, we have gone down hill. But anyway, we couldn't pay for our house anymore so we moved away.
Well at first it was just my mom Julie and my little brother and sister that moved. I lived with a friend because I was playing softball and then after softball season my mom made me move here with them. I love my family and all but that was my life, my friends. I played basketball and softball and did track there. I just didn't like the idea of moving away from somewhere that I had lived and grown up my entire life (by the way I am a sophomore and I'm 16).
When I moved up here I tried to look at it in a positive way but come on, by the 10th grade everyone already has their own clicks and everything. I just don't fit in here. I have tried to talk to my mom and all she says is that it's best for me but I don't agree. Yes it is better for my mom since we have lived here she has gotten a job which I am really proud of her. My brother and sisters grades have come up and they have a lot more friends. But not me, I have no friends. I spend my nights crying because I miss my hometown where I know everyone and I feel like I have a place there.
So when my boyfriend saw that I was depressed about living here he asked me what I wanted to do. I told him that I wanted to move back to where I grew up and I asked him if we could get an apartment together and could I move in with him. He said yeah. I wouldn't do it until I turned 17 November 2005. He is 18 now and I am 16 but we have been dating for 2 years so I don't see the problem. He gets $600 a month for child support since he is still in school. He is a senior. After high school he is enrolled into a vocational school to get his EMT license and he has a job at a factory weekends making 7.50 an hour until after basketball season and then he will be working weekdays. I have a job I think that we could make it on our own we love each other and we want to be with each other for a long time so could you please tell me if it is legal to move out when your 17?
[Unsigned]
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Dear Niece,
Most of the teenagers that want to move out are absolutely, positively, and definitely sure it is the right thing to do. To your credit, you are giving it some serious thought.
Throughout our lives, we mortals fight the battle between emotion and logic.
[Uncleism: Emotions take us in the wrong direction almost all the time.]
Examine and compare the love you feel for your mom, sister and brother with the feelings you have for your boyfriend. Your mom, your brother, and sister need you in their lives. You may not have the same warm and cuddly feeling for them as for your boyfriend but that family thing is "love."
My nieces, without exception, were "in love" as teenagers. There are no examples of successful long-term relationships in my memory banks - NONE. Before you can connect with anyone you must first become your own person. You must be able to support yourself completely, rent, food, auto, insurance, phone, all of it. Sit down with the numbers and prove to yourself that even your best combined effort falls short. Logically, you can not move out. What about pregnancy? Accidents happen and the girl always gets the worst of it. Ask your mom. Are you prepared to bring a child into instability that would be worst than what you experienced with your mom?
>From the teenage girl's point of view, moving in with a guy is a solution to a problem. Wrong, it is the beginning of a scenario that often dooms young women to lifetime of poverty. Ask your mom or just look around.
I am sure that you miss your old school and old friends but if your boyfriend moved near you that would help - wouldn't it. He is legally an adult but he is not willing to move is he? On the other hand he may be committing statutory rape inviting a 16/17 year-old-child to share his 18-year-old adult apartment. While both of you feel "love," neither has taken a logical look at feasibility or legality.
At your age girls are blinded by romantic fog, and boys are driven by hormones and egos. No time to make long term commitments.
Life is tough but illogical decisions will make it tougher. Stay with your family, finish school, become self-supporting, then we can talk about love.
The short answer to your question is NO, you can not move out. Parents decide where their children live. Read all my columns on this subject and let logic prevail. In a couple of years you can become your own person. That is the time to make important decisions, not now.
I share this chant with my nieces. If understood it helps keep things in perspective.
"Girls want romance; boys want sex."
Everybody's Uncle
