LYING COWORKER

Hello!

I work in the administration office, and the office manager at our local office has been rude, grouchy and demeaning to me for month. I asked her why she was so grouchy, and she made a big deal out of it to the director of our company and LIED about what I said to her. I'm not really worried, as I believe the truth always wins out, however, I am not used to dealing with a coworker like this, and am concerned that she will lie her way through the upcoming meeting between the Director, myself and her. Do you have any advice on how to combat this, or how to confront her about her discrepancy without calling her a liar? Please advise.

(Facing a Meeting)
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Dear Facing,

Perception of attitudes (rude, grouchy, and demeaning) can be subjective. The opposition could claim insubordination, laxness, indifference or anything that defends. Lying can be attributed to misunderstanding, defended by more lies, parsed to the ridiculous, denied, or defended in legalese by lawyers.

If there is no solid evidence or witnesses, lying becomes he said, she said. Judges, juries, parents, employers, directors, and all third parties have a difficult task finding truth through "smoke screens."

The elements break down this way:

Is she rude, or seemingly so because of your more genteel demeanor?
Is she grouchy, or are you sensitive?
Is she demeaning, or are you offended by critique?
Is she lying, are you falsely accusing, or is there misunderstanding.

If I were playing your hand, I would prepare positions on all of the above. Try to anticipate the arguments from the other side of the table. Avoid calling her a liar unless you have absolute proof. Have any supporting evidence ready at the meeting. Prepare your case as if your life depended upon it. The worst case scenario is to walk away saying, "I wish I would have said..."

In criminal cases proof must be beyond a reasonable doubt. In civil cases a preponderance of evidence (51% to 49%) is the guideline. Let's assume that both you and your coworker present a 50/50 case.
How does a third party draw a conclusion?

Answer: Style Points

Cases are often consciously or unconsciously decided on style points.
A screaming maniac loses to a sane and controlled opponent.
An unattractive person loses to a very attractive one.
Heavyset people are passed over.
Proper attire wins over unkempt appearance.
Tattoos and body piercing pale against classic appearance.
Name-calling yields to pleasant presentation.
Appropriate language trumps vulgarity.
The list is endless.

None of these style features change the underlying facts, but in most contests they are factors that affect parties sitting in judgement [As you are well aware, elections and criminal cases are often decided on superficiality instead of substance.]

I advise total preparation, appropriate dress, a clear and polite presentation of the facts, no name calling, minimal exchanges between you and your coworker, do not raise your voice.

WIN ALL STYLE POINTS.

Be perceived as focused, honest and in control. Even if it comes down to he said, she said. Let the other party lose her composure and display her lack of control. Most reasonable people react negatively to poor style.

Let me know how you make out.
Everybody's Uncle