GETTING MARRIED - NO MONEY!

Everybody's Uncle,

I am getting married. I have the ring, the man I love, a church, and the date - July 7, 2001. I don't have the money! Both my fiance’ and I are broke. My parents have nothing and live in another country. His parents are retired and live in Tennessee. He has 13 brothers and sisters who are all in financial problems of their own and my sisters are strapped. One is the mother of three and the other has so many financial problems as she has lost her job and now is just above water.

How do I do a wedding, realistically? HELP!

Jewel

Dear Jewel,

The financial responsibility of parents and siblings is ZERO. Discussing their situations has no bearing on your marriage. They owe you nothing. Expectations on your part are selfish and thoughtless.

If you and your man are both broke, why are you considering marriage? Love, a ring, a church and a date are icing on the cake of matrimonial maturity, not the "cake" itself. Lacking common sense on the threshold of commitment, I suggest you reconsider or at least postpone your nuptials.

If two marriage minded adults are not able to save enough money to pay for a modest wedding reception, what is the likelyhood of future financial stability - what about the added responsibility of a family?

Being poor is not necessarily an impediment to marriage; being "broke" is. Two people working hard, even over a short period of time, can fund a modest reception and lay the foundation for a happy life, but not without discipline and focus. I suggest you build a foundation before you jump into marriage.

If you go ahead with your marriage plans, keep it simple and ask nothing of your relatives. A simple home or back yard party with cookies and tea is appropriate for those in difficult circumstances. Bonus, even meager gifts from "strapped" friends and relatives may cover the costs of the day.

Good luck,

Everybody's Uncle