Everybody's Uncle

Alex and I have been married five years and we cannot have children. We are both in our early thirties, and all of our friends have started a family. We are beginning to be included less and less with our friends who have children and we feel left out. Should we consider adoption?

(Left Out)

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Dear Left Out,

The only reason to adopt a child is the overwhelming need to love and nurture in spite of the uncertainties and responsibilities of parenthood.

Please, do not adopt a child to "fit in." The fact that this is a consideration suggests some serious rethinking.

There is great joy in the support roles of uncle and aunt (and lots more free time). Friends always need baby sitters (enlightening basic training). There is no stronger friendship cement than baby sitter/friends. True friendships are not based on children or lack thereof. Couples that can discuss nothing but their children are, frankly, boring. Bring a picture of your goldfish and go on and on about his beautiful fins and colors - that will make the point.

Evaluate your career commitments and life goals both economic and leisure. How will work and child care be divided between you and your husband? How will a child's needs effect your life style and retirement plans?

Think deeply, get the best medical advice, but do not adopt for the wrong reason.

All the best,
Everybody's Uncle