COLLEGE CON JOB
Everybody’s Uncle,
My son is graduating from high school soon, and wants to go to college. Unfortunately his grades were not good in school. He has a learning disability and didn't work very hard, so he has only been accepted at a very good, small college with high tuition. We cannot afford the proposed family share.
I wish there were alternatives other than college. The mindset seems to be that you have to go to college to get good paying jobs. The colleges are flooded with students who do get degrees, then can't find jobs in their field.
It used to be that you either went to college, joined the service, or got a job. I have suggested working for a year but he thinks that if he waits he will have less of a chance of being accepted. He doesn't believe me when I say it isn't so. He is also worried that he will have no direction and become nothing without college.
Can you think of positive alternatives to going to college? My creativity has gone blank. I'm also too close to the situation to be of much help. I think I'm starting to whine! Yuck!
Thanks.
Dad,
Let’s start with a list of plus and minus college indicators.
Minus:Plus:
Poor grades0
Learning disability
Didn’t work hard
Can’t afford it
People overcome learning disabilities with hard work. Your son failed to make that decision. The odds are against a sudden shift in self-discipline.
You don’t have to wish. There are an infinite number of alternatives to a college education. Fact: Six of the 10 richest men in the country did not attend college; four did not graduate high school. All, however, were hard workers. Within my personal experience base, most successes came to those without college or in fields unrelated to their diplomas.
Parents have an obligation to make the best possible decisions for their children. There is an ongoing contest between logic and love. Your son WANTS to go to college. You WANT him to go. I WANT to hit the lottery but it does not change the odds.
These days, college is often more about having fun than acquiring an education. The choice between getting a job and leaving the nest for the freedom of college is too easy. (Ever see Girls Gone Wild?)
Here is some logic. You have to earn money to pay tuition. He has to provide good raw material. You have; he hasn’t.
Fact: You can go to college at ANY age. Many people take a year, sometimes a decade, off between high school and college. Many people work days and go to school at night. You can take courses on line.
I don’t buy his worries about “no direction.” College has nothing to do with direction. Direction is the path we pick, the goal we seek, the qualifications we desire. I always know where I am going BEFORE I buy a ticket. I don’t decide after I am on the plane.
Your son will get the best education of his life if his dad makes the logical choice.
“Son, you have not earned college.”
I suggest (no, demand) you get a job and show me some self-discipline. If you work, save $5000, and find that direction – one year from now we will discuss college. No direction; no college. I heard somewhere that the Marines needed “A few good men.”
It is not your job to put alternatives on his plate for him to pick and chose. That is the least he can do.
Ambitious people do well without college. College people do poorly without ambition. One of my own forwent college for culinary school. Today he owns two restaurants and is considering retirement in his early 40’s.
Tell him how much you love him, but it is time to grow up.
Everybody’s Uncle
