CHEAT AND CONSEQUENCES
Hi UNCLE,
My name is XYZ and I'm from India. I've been married for a year. After 3 months of our marriage my husband got a new job and he moved to a new place. Here, one of my friends became very close friend of mine. We use to go shop together and once after a dinner I ended up having sex with him....
Unfortunately, my husband came to know about this and since then he has not been trusting me. Today, even after one year, I'm not allowed to go anywhere alone. He never goes to his office picnics or any other outings with his colleagues because that means that I'll be alone at home... and that I might again do something...
Even when I go to my office, I am supposed to call him in every hour from my office landline so that he knows that I'm at office and not somewhere else....
I'm totally devastated and don't know how to win his trust again. Please help me.
Your niece,
XYZ.
Dear XYZ,
Under the current circumstances, winning his trust is not likely without some meeting of the minds regarding future conduct of both parties.
If your marital commitment failed after only 3 months, your sexual attitude is not what your husband expected. You, on the other hand, can’t handle his insecurity. Marriage without knowledge, mutual understanding and reasonable expectations should be avoided.
Do some mind searching. Evaluate your own sexuality. If your past includes numerous or casual sexual encounters, why will your future be different? Marriage doesn’t change people, commitment can, but neither worked for you. First define yourself. Are you capable of fidelity? Your inquiry lacks any mention of love for your husband or remorse for your conduct. Do they exist, or are you just annoyed by his embarrassing and confining scrutiny?
He needs self-definition too. Either he has the capacity to forgive or he does not. If he continues his present routine the tension will destroy the relationship. When mindsets like yours are so far apart, professional counseling may be required.
The best chance of salvaging the marriage is for both parties to evaluate themselves, decide what is important and how far each will move toward a common goal. The marriage was at best premature and immature. The parties knew neither themselves nor the other. Consider professional counseling.
[Uncleism: If my image marries your image we will wake up one day as intimate strangers.]
Everybody’s Uncle
