CARE FOR GRANDPARENTS

Everybody's Uncle,

My husband has two sons, one is 41 and the other is 39. Both are very successful in their chosen fields. Their grandmother is 89 and has to go into an assisted living facility. The cost is over $2000.00 per month. Her income is $730.00 per month. My husband and I have been contributing $300.00 per month for her current living expenses and can not afford more than that. I asked his two sons how much if anything they would be willing to contribute to their grandmother's monthly living expenses and they both said "not one cent". One of them added "not even a bag of groceries". The other added that, "I had some big balls to even ask them".

Was I wrong in asking? Is so uncommon for family members to gather together and contribute any amount of money to care for a loved one in their old age?

(Unsigned)
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Dear unsigned,

I applaud your generosity in care of grandma. It is not wrong to ask grandchildren to contribute to such care. However, the grandchildren are under no obligation to contribute. Based on the comments quoted above, the grandsons have low regard for their grandmother. The bond or lack thereof between grandma and her grandchildren is the pivotal factor.

Perhaps you are guilty of one of the most common errors in personal relationships -- unrealistic expectations. Each of us has the right to set personal priorities but must be cautious about requiring others to live by our standards.

I have no statistics to share but would be surprised if many grandchildren step up to the plate in support of grandparents. In this case raising almost a $1000 per month seems entirely unrealistic.

I suggest you make plans to provide for your own retiring years. Children have no legal obligation to care for their parents, never mind grandparents or stepmothers.

Medicare and Medicaid are better places to look for assistance.

Good luck,

Everybody's Uncle