BRAZEN TEENAGERS
Hi uncle,
It's me again. Once again I'm having problems with the teenagers in the complex that I live in. Being that we have a lot of snow left from the blizzard, certain 16-year-olds wait until it gets dark (7:30) to decide to throw snowballs at our front windows & later on at our side window. Naturally they run after doing it, but we have suspicions who they are from past incidents. This has been going on since Monday (2/17). Every time we hear the bang from the snowball we get upset, fearful that the window will break someday. Wednesday night it happened again. My son and I feel like grabbing these kids (which we know we can't).
My wife (who rarely gets upset) confronted these kids in the local chicken take-out store. She pointed her finger in the instigator's face and firmly told them that we were going to call the police because we've had enough and naturally one of the group said he wasn't afraid of the police. We called the cops that night, they couldn't come being tied up with more important situations, and the next morning my wife finds her tire deflated. She wants to move, I don't because I don't want it to be due to kid's intimidation.
Happened again tonight (Friday 2/21); this time police showed up. One of the three kids (Fred) brazenly walked by my house while we were speaking to police. I pointed him out to police. They spoke to him on the side. We then related, in person, what we have been going through. They took down address of second teen (Kevin), said they were going to speak to him and his parent. They said we shouldn't feel regretful for calling them on petty matters like this because everyone deserves "the quality of life" (I like that phrase, has a lot of dignity to me, would like to know where it came from though).
As we were speaking to police my neighbor (who is in his mid 60's, very hyper, and more due to having a heart attack because of these incidents -- we're in our early 50's), who lives behind my house, said that when they pass my side window (and throw the other random snowballs), as they're passing his house they literally bang, with their hands, on his window.
The third teen is the more evasive one (he's is the one running past my window after throwing the snowball and banging on my neighbors window). He's the one who told my wife that he wasn't afraid of the cops. You don't know how my heart breaks every time I see my son and wife jump up to run to the door to catch these kids. It really hurts feeling like my hands are tied, I feel like my whole world is crumbling because of these little bastards. I'll admit to no one but you that it's made me feel like crying to see my family get nervous like that. This is why I've turned to you because you've had very intelligent solutions in the past for me. We bother no one in our neighborhood, but this kid Kevin is the leader and has a grudge against me because 4 years ago I chased him and his friends from playing on my lawn.
We have 2 cars, one that we have to park a block away, and he's been responsible, I assume since we've never caught him, for deflating one of the tires and smearing the car with beans from the can, eggs, and jellied pies. My wife is talking about moving, should I let these kids win and move for my wife and sons' sakes? (They've loved living here)(I've moved 3 times since I've been married & am not anxious about doing it again).
I'm basically macho but I don't like being put in this helpless position. These kids are not as bad as they could be (weapons, fires, vandalism, etc.). I come from Brooklyn so I know the meaning of "tough kids". These complexes are governed by a board member who tells us that their only advice to us is to call the cops. That's comforting but I never wanted to be known to the police because of BS like this. We really don't want to sell this house, the area is too convenient and we've made 3 friends here. I asked the police when does this end and she said it doesn't because these kids grow up and then others take their place. I assumed that, I just thought that she would have a more reassuring answer. I'm not looking for trouble with these kids; they're throwing it my way. My wife wants to find someplace this weekend to get away from this, that's how frustrating this has become.
I have a 22-year old son & he never acted like this. I don't want to come home to find my windows broken. Can you please provide some answers to our dilemma, I just want to be able to hold my head up high again, I'm trying to be strong for my family.
Thank you. I'll be looking for your response.
Vinny
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Dear Vinny,
Sorry for the problem you are having with teens in your neighborhood, but it is decision time. You have several options. Move, ignore, or fight. The kids target you because they know they get under your skin. Approaching the kids with threats of calling the police hasn't worked - stop doing that. Similarly, yelling at them has only made things worse.
Jimism: "You have to do what works."
Here is a list of things that may help:
Show no signs of your irritation. Your discomfort is their pleasure.
Try to get some kids on your side. Volunteer at a youth center, sports organization, or religious organization. Hire a kid to do chores or errands. Be as generous as possible on Halloween. Buy the promotional candy for school drives.
Engage the help of neighbors to keep an eye on the disruptive activities and to act in unison against the perpetrators and their parents. The larger the group the more pressure you can bring.
Try to open a dialog with the parents of the offenders. Be pleasant and show concern not vindictiveness. Ask them to control their children or you will be forced to take legal action.
If you decide to fight, you fight to win. Not easy when the offenders are teens and the offenses are low misdemeanors.
Buy some bright lighting to remove the cover of darkness.
Buy a video surveillance outfit. Check out the warehouse stores. You will have to invest some money, but a video of kids creating mischief will eliminate all doubt in the minds of their parents and in court. There are systems with varying levels of sophistication and prices but it is a lot cheaper than moving. Maybe you and an adjoining neighbor or a neighborhood committee can share the cost.
It is a fair bet that others in the complex have the same problem. Perhaps a "block watch" can be organized.
The police that respond to your calls can do little but speak informally to the kids and their parents. It comes down to your word against theirs. Videotape ends that.
There is a big difference between officer friendly at the door with an informal complaint, and Judge Judy on the bench with an incriminating video and a heavy gavel.
Good luck,
Everybody's Uncle
