Billy (part one)

[The following is used with permission and on condition of anonymity.  Names, places and conditions are minimally altered but the substance remains in tact.]

Uncle Jim,
 
Over the past few years my life has been unraveling uncontrollably. In 2003, my brother graduated high school and moved across the country to go to college. The same year, my mother died leaving me with my stepdad, who I've hated since I met him. I'm seventeen now and he still tries to control every breath I take. He wants me to be a jock or some shit. My style is more punk - not into sports. He calls me a fag and some other shit that makes me wanna hit him. When he's drunk, it's a lot worse. He's actually beaten the shit out of me a couple of times - last month was the last time it got that bad. What can I do to make it stop? I've contemplated suicide numerous times but I'm too chicken shit to go through with it. I don't want to tell anyone I know personally how f***ed up my home life is - it's humiliating. This is the first time I've actually asked for any advice. My girlfriend found out about it when she came over my house and my stepdad was home. She put the cut over my eyebrow and his personality together and told me about this website. I hope you got some ideas because I'm on the verge.
 

(Unsigned)
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Nephew,
 
I can understand how hopeless things seem in your situation. Before I give any suggestions or post your inquiry, I ask you to take a deep breath and know that you will have an uncle to help you through this difficult time. I never publish things asked to be withheld. If you want to reach out to the authorities I can do that for you or guide you along. Meanwhile read all the related personal columns to get some idea of your legal rights and my views of personal and parental responsibilities.
 
I hope having this uncle on your side gives you some support. I need to know what state you live in to advise you as to age of emancipation.
 
You have a smart girlfriend, some don't even have that. Let's build where we can.

Is it okay if I call you Billy?
 
Hang in there,
Uncle Jim
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Uncle Jim,
You can publish whatever you want, it doesn't bother me because most people who read this won't really know me and therefore can't come up to me and ask me about anything. I've got a job working for my stepdad's friend doing repairs. I'll be a senior next year but I really don't have any adult contacts that I'm really familiar with. I'm usually the one reluctantly sitting in the principal's office so I doubt that anyone would really want to help me out. The only relative that I know of is my brother who's going to college, out of the state. He won't be able to take me on at this point.
 
I don't really want to get the authorities involved. Isn't there a way I can just do this without going to the cops?

Oh, and you can just call me Billy.

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Billy,

I set priorities for myself and try never to forget my responsibility to my nieces and nephews. My first and highest responsibility is to PROTECT. I do not want you hurt, I know it is embarrassing to "go public" with your situation, but look around you - do you have a relative, someone at school, a coach that you can confide in? I want to try to surround you with a measure of safety. If you like having an online uncle on your side, somebody nearby that is aware of your situation should give you a lift. Your school can or should be able to connect you to the legal authorities in your location. That obviously comes as no surprise but I urge you to at least get to know the contact person and/or mechanism in place for such contact.
 
At home - don't let that male ego cause you pain. I will put into brackets what I call Uncleisms. They are guidelines you can use to develop your personal formidability.
[Emotions will take you in the wrong direction 90% of the time] Keep a low profile at home. I fully understand the drive to confront - don't do it - walk away.
 
I will not publish anything you ask me to hold in confidence.
 
 Uncle Jim
(End of part one - to be continued)