STOP CORRECTING ME

Everybody's Uncle,

Hi, lately it seems that everyone I talk to feels that they have to correct me on one subject or another, and this can really be annoying. Is it me or are a lot more people doing this to each other? Why do certain people have to make you feel that when you talk to them you better have all your facts straight?

Do these people have a superiority complex? Now I find that when I talk to my 23-year-old son he's beginning to do it also, so I pronounce certain words wrong on purpose, or if we're talking about certain celebrities, I'll pronounce their last names wrong on purpose. But it really bothers me that I'm forced to do immature things like that just to prove a point.

Why do these people have to make me feel that I can't even have a normal conversation with them without being corrected now and then within the conversation? Hopefully, you can provide me with an intelligent way to handle such conversations and people. Thanks for your attention.

(Unsigned)
                                                                         ****
      

Dear Corrected,

Thanks for an excellent question that relates to most of us in one way or another.

[Uncleism: It's not what I say, it's what you hear.
(Conversely: It's not what you say, It is what I hear.)]

Let's assume there two extremes of correction - love and hate.

A parent slaps a child.

The child could see the slap as an act of love
(because he believes the parent wants the best for him)
OR
The child could see the slap as an act of hate
(because he believes the parent hates him)

The parent could slap the child because he loves him or because he hates him.
(But the child will interpret the slap according to his own perspective. Could be love. Could be hate.)

Hence, it is not the slap; it is how it is perceived.

Magic is a perfect illustration of the underlying rule. The magician makes an elephant disappear right before your eyes.
[Variation of the Uncleism: It's not what he did, it's what you saw.]

 
In your case the "slap" is the correction you are given by your son.

He could be correcting you because he loves you and wants you to appear more educated.
He could be correcting you because he enjoys ridiculing you.

You can perceive his correction as either loving concern or inappropriate ridicule.

When two people have completely different perspectives, each may defend a posture that the other doesn't see.

You could stand on the belief that a son should never correct his father.

Or you could see the positive side of his correction and improve your use of the language.

Middle ground: You applaud him for trying to help you, but you reprimand him for embarrassing an elder. (Perhaps you paid for his smarty-pants education.)
Maybe you can work on your word skills and he can work on his social skills.

Your decision to intentionally mispronounce words and names adds an irritant to a sore spot. What good does that do?

Best posture:
Try to draw from the positive side of the corrections the world throws at you.
Deliver your corrections to the world with hard substance, soft style, and a focus that minimizes the difference between what you say and what is heard.

"It's not what I say, it's what you hear."

Think and be formidable,

Uncle Jim