ASSIGNMENT TO GRANDMA

Everybody's Uncle,

Am I allowed to move out when I'm 16 if it'll be in my dad's house and he don't care...or live with my grandma...who actually needs a little extra help...would the court let me if my mom didn't approve of it...but my dad and grandma did? Thank you for helping if you can....I will be 16 in March.

Your friend,
Desiree Shearer

Desiree,

Your question might require a ruling of the court.

To the best of my knowledge, until you are 18, your parents have the right to decide where you live. If mom and dad cannot agree socially in which of their homes you will reside, the disagreement might require a legal judgement. If both households were deemed equally wholesome, The court might decide some split custody arrangement. (Example: Mom during the week / dad on weekends.)

If you are asking if dad's right of custody allows him to place you in a third household (grandma) - I don't know, but I don't think so. If mom objected, the situation might have to be resolved in court. If mom's household were considered unfit, the court might find cause to remove you from an unsafe environment. Dad would have to bring evidence before the court against for that to happen. YOU would be called upon to show abuse or neglect in mom's household. 

If dad simply doesn't care where you live and mom wants you in her provably safe household, I cannot imagine a judge deciding against her.

Being a teenager in the current state of our culture is challenging. Kids accept shelter, food, clothes, computers etc. as RIGHTS. They are not seen as the work and sacrifice of parents. House rules are ALWAYS viewed as jail cells. Parents confine them to fun free cages.

In split households, times with dad and grandma seem like trips to the goody factory. But dad and grandma are not the ones putting up with YOU and your demands on a day to day basis. It is a matter of perspective - something teenagers rarely have.

Niece, I know you feel grown up and "a women of the world." Please read my Personal and Home/School columns. You will see examples of what happens when young people make life-changing decisions without the benefit of common sense.

You are only a few years away from legal age. Best advice I can offer is tough it out until you can support yourself - not mom - not dad - not grandma. As long as you are in ANYONE else's household, you will be subject to their rules.

Maybe the rules you have are better than the rules you will get.
Your uncle,
Jim